Have we created a world we don’t want to live in? Henri Nouwen wrote a lot about this, about how we must say no to death. I don’t mean “death” as in the act of dying. Nobody can say no to that form of death. I mean things, actions that are anti-life, that go against the truth that we are all alive right now (as my friend Sam so wisely said) sharing an experience. Saying no to death has to start earlier than just saying no to violence or war. We have to say no to all of the sometimes seemingly small precursors to death as well. If we aren’t actively seeking peace, then we are actively participating in the forces of death and hate. We also have to acknowledge that we are most comfortable when we are living with the evil that we say we want to resist.

We must share life. It’s our responsibility to each other. To be alive is to face the unknown over and over again. We have to give up the arrogant and futile idea (power) that we can plan our future. It’s hilarious to think that we are still surprised when things don’t work out. To some people that uncertainty is so scary that they will build up their existence with the materials of death (isolation, fear, judgement, hate) instead of the more volatile elements of true life (love, empathy, humility, weakness). We can trick ourselves into thinking that it’s better to be living a delightless life (but one that is stable, even if we tell ourselves we are happy) than to pursue a life that we truly want (but that may not ever work out or may be more difficult). It’s a fake sense of control.

The fear of failure can be so strong and convincing that we won’t even try to succeed. Why participate? It’s easier to distract ourselves with simple satisfactions (work, money). Do not be afraid. Move from fear to love. From fear to freedom. We are creatures of failure. Failure is a gift. We teach this to our children, but often forget to remind ourselves as adults. Weakness is an opportunity, a chance to say, “How can I grow? How can I change and develop? How can I seek more of what this life experience has?” It is so much easier to just say, “well, that’s how I am…this is who I am” than to try and change and grow who you are. I get frustrated with the idea of an afterlife. Sometimes I feel like the idea (and to some people the truth) that there is something after this one (!) life gets in the way of this kind of growth and celebration. A belief that something else awaits us after death can make us more likely to be comfortable with the evils we were talking about earlier and less likely to dedicate our energy to fighting those evils every single day. If everyone acknowledged and accepted that they can die at any moment, and that an afterlife may not exist; and spent their time instead affirming the beauty that is our experience…reinforcing the value of life for others…respecting others’ right to a joyful experience…
You can get a lot done in an average life expectancy.

The things that lead us to death can actually be really attractive. They make us feel strong, confident, smart, in control. The things that lead us to life are a little more embarrassing. They make us feel vulnerable, dependent, childlike. They’re not showy. It’s like a plant or a child growing. You only notice when they have grown even though the growth was constant and happening right in front of your eyes. I guess that’s the goal? To live in such a way where our growth towards true life is unnoticeable. So that those times where we fail and hurt someone for no reason other than helping ourselves aren’t big displays anymore; because maybe we’re working constantly on stopping those moments before they happen. To live an ex-static life. Turning away from those patterns that lead us back into those patterns of hurt.

It’s very easy to forget that everyone’s going through or has gone through something hard; that people are often more complex than we initially give them credit for. Maybe we have everything in common.

“Perhaps what this country needs is a great poem. Something to lift people out of fear and selfishness.” -Herbert Hoover

Before you speak. Before you make a sound. Is it better than silence?

Doing nothing in solitude. A useless presence.

Is this how we make passionate men?